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‘Small gestures make a marriage strong and healthy’

The secret to a long-lasting marriage is not just about love; it’s also about teamwork and growing together through life’s voyage.

‘Small gestures make a marriage strong and healthy’

The secret to a long-lasting marriage is not just about love; it’s also about teamwork and growing together through life’s voyage. Firm believers in this, Debasish Mukherjee and Seema Mukherjee got married on 1 August 1987, beginning a new chapter filled with hardships, happiness, and a relationship built on mutual respect and unconditional support. Their story showcases how trust and compromise can strengthen a marriage over the years.

Seema, who had to shift from Jabalpur to Kolkata after marriage, shared how her in-laws helped her to make this transition smoother. “Initially, I was worried as we had an arranged marriage, and I was moving not only to a new family but also to a different city. However, my husband and in-laws supported me and helped me to adapt to the new place,” Seema said. They continued to lead a simpler life after that, navigating through the challenges.

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However, soon life took a turn. In 1991, an opportunity presented itself when Debasish got a job in Sydney. “It was a move filled with excitement but also uncertainty,” Debasish said. He further stated how the initial years at Sydney were filled with difficulty, “The recession made the job hunting complex, and adapting to different work cultures was challenging. In India, we emphasise theoretical knowledge; however, in Australia, practical learning is prioritised.”

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For Seema, moving to Australia was a completely different experience. “It was a new experience and overwhelming at first. There were no maids or family support; you have to do everything on your own,” Seema claimed, adding, “Our daughter was six months old. I had to be home for her. But once she turned one-and-a-half, I started working as only one member earning in a family was not enough.” They used to keep their daughter in childcare when they went to work.

The couple believes that there are no gender-specific roles. “We both work, so we share responsibilities. There’s no gender-defined roles between us. If she cooks, I clean. If I get late, she makes tea for me; if she is tired, I will do the same. These kinds of small gestures make a marriage strong and healthy,” Debasish stated. The support extends beyond the household. “He drops me at the office, and even when my work ends, he messages me to ask when he should pick me up. These actions reflect that he is concerned about me, and it matters the most,” Seema affirmed.

With their daughter grown up, the couple currently spends their time participating in programmes and events apart from work. “We have been living in Australia for over 34 years now, but we haven’t forgotten our roots. We are a part of a Bengali community and participate in cultural events. I sometimes cook for the community, and they jokingly call me the ‘Sanjeev Kapoor of Sydney’,” Debasish laughed and said. Seema further added, “We try to visit Kolkata as often as possible. Recently, we performed an oral drama at an event at Jadavpur University. These activities keep us engaged and also bring us closer.”

Through all the struggles and changes, from shifting to an unknown place to building a career and raising a child, the couple didn’t step back and stick to a fundamental truth: Marriage is teamwork. “There’s no room for ego,” Debasish emphasised, adding, “Mutual respect, understanding and love are crucial for a strong partnership.”

Seema agreed and added, “He’s simple, genuine, down-to-earth and you can trust him. The only thing I complain about is that he never says ‘no’ to any of my demands,” she laughs.

The couple’s daughter sees them as an example of what a marriage should be like. “She once said she wants a relationship like ours. That, to me, is the greatest validation of our journey,” Seema said with pride.

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